Are you living from the inside out or the outside in?
You may wonder what this is all about and why the way you live determines the quality of your life.
So let’s explore this a bit further.
“Living from the outside in” is exactly what it sounds like: what occurs in your outside world dictates what happens inside of you. This can take many forms: having your entire day ruined whenever something inconvenient or unfavourable happens; feeling bored or lonely, unless you’re stimulated or entertained or being in company; having your emotions completely dictated by your relationships (personal or professional); or lacking any sense of who you are or what you want in life.
No matter how it shows up for you, outside-in living is uncomfortable as you are dependent on what is happening outside of you to experience happiness. By being dependent we tend to relinquish our control in how we experience and live our life’s. But, of course, it isn’t the only way to live.
It’s possible to gain command over our own internal experience by beginning to “live from the inside out”. This is an ongoing process, and something we shouldn’t expect ourselves to perfect. However, there are a few simple practices we can incorporate in our daily life that can help to reverse the course, helping us to generate a sense of self empowerment, a more centred and clearer approach and emotional independence.
A good way to start is by becoming mindful, which can take us in the right direction of developing an inside-out approach to life. “Mindfulness” is the practice of intentionally paying attention to your in-the-moment experience, by being present with acceptance and non-judgment. The more you are paying attention on your internal world and everything that unfolds within it from moment to moment, the more you'll learn about who you are and what you want. When you are dedicating yourself to listen to your inside before reacting to what is happening on the outside you can manage yourself more calmly and clearly and act with confidence. There are many books or webpages on how to practise mindfulness and you may want to consider looking into it.
It is also good to “Check Your Filter”. Everything that happens in your life is essentially neutral: it’s a series of events that unfold, without much inherent meaning apart from how you perceive it. Our perceptions – our filters have been formed through our past experiences, thoughts, emotions and beliefs that we developed early on in life. Everyone may have a different perception of the same event. In essence, it’s your assessment and interpretation of what happens that determines the way you experience it. While it’s easy to get caught up in the outside stuff, blaming circumstances or other people for the way you feel, it’s possible to take more responsibility and command over your life by turning your focus inward instead. Checking your filter regularly, by tuning in to the story you’re telling yourself about what’s happening—and the corresponding feelings it’s producing within you—is a useful and important way to start living from the inside-out.
One book that I can highly recommend anyone to read is the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. The four agreements in a summary are:
1. Be impeccable with your word
2. Don’t take anything personally
3. Don’t make assumptions
4. Always do your best
“Practice Responding Rather Than Reacting” — Once you’ve gotten in the habit of turning inward and tuning in to your inner experience, you can begin to respond to the outside world in different, perhaps more calm and empowering ways. This means instead of reacting instinctively and automatically we give ourselves some space and time to evaluate what happened and mindfully consider the best course of action to take. The more you practice responding rather than reacting, the more capable you’ll become of staying in the driver’s seat of your life.
“Seek Serenity” — is about living intentionally, with an ongoing awareness of when it’s time to act and when it’s time to let it be. You have reached this state when you realise the difference between what you can control and what is out of your control. When you live from the inside out you will sense your intuition or experience this gut feeling that can guide us what is and what isn’t within our control and help us to act and respond accordingly. Listening to your intuition or following your gut feeling is an empowering practice - and the happier and secure you’ll likely to feel about the choices you make.
Of course “Inside-out living” may not be the complete answer for a problem-free life. After all we are still dependent in part on the outside world. However, practising this approach will change how you experience life with peace, confidence and more possibilities.
Inspired by Denise Fournier:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindfully-present-fully-alive/201708/learning-live-the-inside-out