A life with purpose
Making a difference in this world – Light one candle at a time
Often, I am asked by clients how can I find my purpose in life or how can I make a change in this world.
Most of us want to help others and make a difference in this world. And many people we know do have a strong sense of purpose by helping as volunteers in non for-profit organisations, making donations or using their skills to teach others. Those people have one thing in common. They are using their passion, talents and compassion for the world to give their life a meaning.
Having a meaningful long-term goal and implementing it for the greater good is beneficial for your health and overall well-being. Now how can you find your purpose and light a candle for someone else or even the entire world?
Kendall Bronk, a researcher at Claremont Graduate University states that people can find a sense of purpose organically—or through deliberate exercises and self-reflection. Sometimes, just having someone talk to you about what matters to you makes you think more intentionally about your life and your purpose, says Bronk.
Here are some of her recommendations based on her research on purpose, which I implement in my sessions to assist clients finding their purpose.
1. Identify the things you care about
Purpose is all about applying your skills and your passion toward contributing to the greater good in a way that matters to you. So, identifying what you care about or what you value most in life is an important first step. Make yourself a list of at least 5 values that you care about the most and then find the most important value that means the most to you.
2. Reflect on what matters most to you
Sometimes it can be hard to single out one or two values that matter most to you because your passion and what you are concerned about can be far ranging. Understanding what you value most may help you narrow down your purpose in life to something manageable that also truly resonates with you. When you reflect what matters most to you, you may also want to think of what matters to you when you think about your family, friends or the larger community.
Once you are clearer on your deepest values, Bronk recommends asking yourself: What do these values say about you as a person? How do these values influence your daily life?
Similarly, I usually ask clients to list those values that they choose to live by and to ask themselves if these values would relate to what they want to do with the rest of their life? Doing this exercise can help you to discover how you can put your values to use.
3. Recognise your strengths and talents
We all have strengths and skills that we’ve developed over our lifetimes, which help make up our unique personalities. Yet some of us may be unsure of what we have to offer. If you are unsure you may want to ask other people in your life what they think your strength or skills are. For example, you can ask friends or family members:
What do you think I’m particularly good at?
What do you think I really enjoy?
How do you think I can use my skills to help others?
Finding a purpose involves more than just self-reflection. According to Bronk, it’s also about trying out new things and seeing how those activities enable you to use your skills to make a meaningful difference in the world. Volunteering in a community organization focused on something of interest to you can provide you with some experience, new connections and you are helping others at the same time.
4. Imagine your best possible self applying your skills and strength
In this exercise I ask clients to imagine that during the night some magic has happened and the next morning they discover that they are suddenly living their life with purpose. Then I am asking the clients questions such as
What are you doing when you discover that your life changed?
What is now important to you?
What do you really care about, and why?
The why part is particularly important, because purposes usually emerge from our reasons for caring, says Bronk.
5. Cultivate positive emotions like gratitude and joy
To find purpose, it also helps to engage and cultivate positive emotions, like joy and gratitude. These emotions play an important role for general well-being, caring about others, and finding meaning in life, which all help us focus on how we can contribute to the world.
However, before we can help others and light their candle, we have to make sure our own candle is glowing first. We can give to others when we feel fulfilled ourselves.
Enjoying what life has to offer and taking care of yourself physically, emotionally and spiritually will fill your cup and allow your light to shine on others.
Bronk discovered in her studies that reflecting on the blessings of their lives often leads people to “pay it forward” in some way, which is how gratitude can lead to purpose.
You can experience joy by seeing and appreciating the beauty in nature or recalling an inspirational moment. Gratitude can be practiced by keeping a gratitude journal or writing a gratitude letter to someone who helped you in life. Whatever tools you use, developing gratitude and joy has the added benefit to enhance your emotional well-being, which can give you the energy and motivation you need to carry out your purposeful goals.
6. Look to the people you admire
In my sessions, I also ask clients to look at the values of the people they admire most in their life. Those may be famous people or just the neighbour up the road. This may give us a clue to how we might want to incorporate their values in our life’s to contribute to a better world ourselves. Reading about the work of those we admire can give us a moral uplift that can serve as motivation for working toward the greater good.
However, sometimes looking at these larger-than-life examples can be too intimidating, says Bronk. If so, you can look for everyday people around you who are doing good in smaller ways. Maybe you have a friend who volunteers to collect food for the homeless shelter or a colleague whose work in promoting social justice inspires you.
Living a life with purpose doesn’t need to lead to fame to fulfill your goal. Just start by taking small steps in the direction that means most to you. You can do this by doing simple steps, for example by complimenting another person to light their light.
If you just light one candle in another person that leads to lighting thousand other candles when that person shines their light. So your heart can illuminate another heart and can illuminate a thousand other hearts by sharing your light.
Blog inspired by Jill Suttie
https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/seven_ways_to_find_your_purpose_in_life